The Lancashire Beauty: Jess's Jabbers: School Trip To Chester, Panic Attacks, Exams And Life!

Hey!

Sorry I have not wrote in a while. Just to give you a heads up before I start, this is probably going to be a long, rambling post. If you get through the post there will be a treat at the end (I know, I am so generous).

When I started my blog, I promised my self I would be honest when writing it. I promised myself I would make it like my own little secret 'world' where I could vent all my troubles, annoyances and loves. A place where I would not get judged on what I like or dislike, a place just for me. Just for my thoughts and feelings. So that is what I am going to do today.

Recently: I have finished my year 10 mock exams, started having intense panic attacks, had a weekend away in Chester with school as part of my Travel And Tourism course work, started staying behind for at least an hour after school most week days to get all my year 10 coursework done before the end of June and am currently sat in my room (because it is raining outside), eating Mars Planets, on a Thursday afternoon as my school is shut because the teachers are on strike. I know what your thinking, 'That's a long list Jess, please tell me more about your troubles because that is obviously a good way to waste of the next 10 ish minutes of my life'. I would tell you more, only I am not sure where to start. Any suggestions?

I guess I should start with the so called 'elephant in the room'. My panic attacks. They started last Wednesday (19th of June 2013). I was sitting in my English class when it started. I felt like I could not breath towards the end of the class. We had packed away and were standing behind our chairs waiting for the bell to go for lunch, when they got worse. I just remember running to the window and sticking my head out of it, like I was searching for oxygen. I started shaking and crying hysterically when the teacher sent someone to get someone for me from the office. After that I just got more symptoms and the panic attacks got worse. I will spare you the details as I don't particularly want to talk about it myself. That day I had 5 pretty intense, serious panic attacks in the space of about 1 hour. Some lasted longer than others and panic attacks 3 and 4 were the worst. In the end, I got sent home mid-panic attack and was pretty shaken up for the rest of the day. The worst thing about them was that while I was having them, I felt really disconnected from the whole thing. I felt like a stranger looking onto the situation rather than the victim of the situation. Since then, I have had about 4 panic attacks. 2 of these panic attacks have been in the same English class I had my first, most serious ones. I have put them down to stress and exhaustion but, if I am honest, I honestly feel that it is so much more than that. I have done research and am beginning to think I have 'panic disorder'. I guess I will just have to see how things go over the next few weeks before I go to a doctor about it

Okay, now that is out of the way, I feel like I can move on and discuss lighter topics.

As far as my exams go, I think they went pretty well to be honest. I won't be over confident and say I got all A grades for everything because, lets be honest here, there is no way I did. However, I honestly believe I did enough to at least pass all of them. Most of them were mock exams so my school are doing a make shift results day in about 2 weeks. My 3 science exams, unfortunately, were not mocks. When picking your GCSE options for year 10 and 11, there are 2 different science options, Triple Science or Double Science. Triple Science is classed as one of the 4 options you pick for year 10 and 11 as part of your GCSE's. Double Science is the science that, by law, you have to do. Double science does not count as 1 of your 4 GCSE options as the law states that you have to do it but, instead of getting 3 GCSE's for science like you do if you pick Triple Science, you only get 2 GCSE's. If you do Double Science, which is what I do, you get 1 GCSE for year 10 and 1 for year 11. So, as it is the end of year 10, I did my 3 science exams (1 chemistry exam, 1 physics exam and 1 biology exam) for my year 10 science GCSE. Again I think these went pretty well but I can't get more than a grade C as I took the foundation paper. The only way I can get more than a C is by my course work bumping the grade up. I won't fine out my science result until August though.

I also still have a load of course work to get done before the end of June. The crap thing is its all on my account at school. This means I have to do it at school and can't put in on a pen-drive to take home because I don't have the right computer software to do it all on. This basically results in me spending most of my time after school trying to get it all finished. This sucks but I guess it just has to be done.

Last weekend (21st and 22nd of June 2013) I spent 2 days in the historic city of Chester. As part of my Travel and Tourism course work, I had to plan a trip to a famous UK destination and then take the trip that I planned. My class picked Chester and we have spent the last 10 months planning our trip. We finally took it and I had a really good time. At the start of this post I promised that if you got the the end there would be a treat. That treat is to see my 'amazing' photos that I took of the weekend. I know, how lucky are you lot? Very lucky would be the answer to that question. By the way, the first 10 are random photos from Chester Zoo.